...Seeking Clarity In A Murky World...

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF GEORGE GALLOWAY V/O:

It’s 9am. We find GEORGE in his office with the Respect Party campaign
team.

GEORGE: Come on lads. It’s been over a week since I’ve had a front page
in the papers. I need to say something controversial. Something that’ll get
me a spot on the news. My hair’s looking particularly good at the moment, I
don’t want to waste the chance for more photo opportunities.? .......I
know, I’ll say “Tony Blair is the world’s biggest terrorist”.

AHMED: But George, you always say that.

GEORGE: WELL, YOU CAN’T COME UP WITH ANYTHING BETTER! .. That’s it Ahmed,
you’re fired.

AHMED: good (walks out slamming door)

GEORGE: I don’t know why they allow these people in the country…. Right,
Imran. Do you have any ideas?

IMRAN We could try to find out what the ordinary voters think, Mr Galloway?

GEORGE Good idea, we can find out why they hate Tony Blair and love me,
thier leader, oh and call me George, Mr Galloway sounds so formal.

V/O: It’s 10:30am. George is on the street, meeting the people

GEORGE Imran, bunch of kids over there, get the camera, great photo op

IMRAN yes, Mr Galloway.

GEORGE: Hi kids, give me five! Don’t leave me hanging, dudes.

KID: Wanker.

GEORGE: A SPELL IN THE ARMY WOULD DO YOU SOME GOOD!... Imran, phone the
chief constable, find out why they aren’t issuing more ASBO’s

V/O: 10:45am.

GEORGE: Imran, lets try this shop, it’s the hub of the community. We
should be able to find out what the pulse of people’s feelings are.

IMRAN: George, maybe not this shop…

GEORGE: Why not?

IMRAN: Well…

GEORGE: Let me finish, I’m going to have my say!

IMRAN: Erm, okay. What?’

GEORGE: What?

IMRAN: Nothing…

GEORGE: You need to learn to listen more and stop asking stupid questions.
Let’s just go in the shop.

A doorbell rings as GEORGE and IMRAN enter the shop.

SHOPKEEPER: Hello sir. Can I help you?

GEORGE: No, my friend, it is I that can help you and your people. I’m
George Galloway, though I expect that you recognise me?

S/KEEPER: Are you that scouser man that says: “Calm down, Calm Down?”

GEORGE: No, I’m your Respect MP.

S/KEEPER: Oh. How can I help you?

GEORGE: I understand your pain, and the suffering of your brothers in Iraq,
Afghanistan and Kashmir. I’m fighting to defeat the terrorism of George W
Bush and Tony Blair.

S/KEEPER: I voted Conservative.

GEORGE: Peace and respect to you, but the Conservatives are war and hate
mongers like Tony Blair. Join us, the Respect Party, the true voice of
Islam and Pakistani Youth in Britain. We speak for your children.

S/KEEPER: Please leave my shop, not only am I Indian, I’m also a Hindu. Get
out!

GEORGE and IMRAN are leaving the shop.

GEORGE: THEY COME HERE AND FIVE MINUTES LATER, THEY THINK THEY BLOODY OWN THE PLACE!

V/O: 12.30pm.

IMRAN: We should get something to eat and drink. Rest our feet.

GEORGE: Okay. Five minutes. For we cannot rest while the people of Iraq
suffer the oppression of US capitalist and cultural imperialism.

IMRAN: Well, there’s a sandwich shop over the road. We can get something
there.

GEORGE: Does it use Fair Trade products?

IMRAN: I don’t know George. (Sighs)

GEORGE: THAT’S MR GALLOWAY TO YOU!

IMRAN: Sorry.

GEORGE: Let’s find somewhere suitable to my position to eat. I’ll find us
somewhere.

V/O: 1.45pm.

IMRAN: We have an appointment with a women’s support group in 15 minutes.

GEORGE: Okay, Okay! I’m just gonna finish this puzzle. Gotta go round this
maze without bumping into the hamburglar. DAMN! . Imran, go and ask for
another Happy Meal box.

IMRAN: they said we’ll have to buy another Happy Meal if we want any more.

GEORGE: US IMPIRIALIST PIGS!, FREE IRAQ! ok let’s go

IMRAN: Don’t forget your free Happy Meal toy, Mr Galloway.

GEORGE: Ah, yes.

V/O: 2.15pm. GEORGE and IMRAN arrive at the Winnie Mandela Women’s Refuge
Centre.

GEORGE: Hello. I’m your guest of honour.

WOMAN: Sorry?

GEORGE: I’m George Galloway, your guest of honour.

WOMAN: Oh, I’m sorry Mr Galloway. We’ve had to cancel your speech. The
other guest speakers had strict timetables and we couldn’t delay.

GEORGE: I’m only 15 minutes late! And that was my boy Imran’s fault. He
wanted to go to McDonalds. Couldn’t drag him away.

WOMAN: Well, I am sorry. Maybe you could do five minutes at the end? Round
everything off.

GEORGE: Five minutes! My good woman, I’ve written a 20-minute speech with
a slide show about my victory at the US Senate. I demand you give me my full
allocated time.

WOMAN: But Mr Galloway. We only wanted you to do a 10-minute opening speech
for the conference.

GEORGE: I’m a busy man! I’ve spoken before the world’s most powerful
people, I defeated the US senate. I DEMAND MY 20 MINUTES OR I‘LL SEE YOU
IN COURT!

WOMAN: Mr Galloway. I don’t like your tone. Could you please leave?

GEORGE: Don’t worry, I’m going! And lady, IF I LOOKED LIKE YOU I’D WEAR
A BLOODY BHURKA!

V/O 8:15pm HOUSE OF COMMONS

GEORGE:  IMRAN! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?

IMRAN (panting)  sorry sir, what is it?

GEORGE:  did you find out if the Prime Minister is here or Brown?

IMRAN:  no, I don’t think they are here.

GEORGE : HA HA!, cowards, they flee when they hear I’m coming in, Imran,
I’m the man they all fear, ever since I defeated the yanks on live TV!

SHOUT FROM A DISTANCE: IS THAT YOU GEORGE, OLD BOY?

IMRAN (WHISPERS) who’s that?

GEORGE (whispers back):  Fred Smith, one of Tony’s lackeys

FRED : George my dear old thing, I loved you on TV, shouting down the US
Senate

GEORGE : well yes, if I ever catch up with the Prime Minister, he’ll get
the same, he can’t run forever, Georgie boy will catch him.

FRED : didn’t you get the invite to No 10 for Thursday?

GEORGE : (coughs and mumbles) yes, but I had prior apointment

FRED : oh, pity, but if you do want a meeting with the PM, text me

GEORGE : well not sure when I have time, I’m a busy man, I can’t be having
meetings with the powers that be, when there are voiceless people on the
streets, needing my help

FRED : ok, well you know my number, if you ever change your mind, I know TB
would love to see you. oops! look at the time, gotta go and meet some
constituents, bye

Fred runs off

GEORGE : did you see that Imran, typical coward, scared of old bruiser
George, running away!

IMRAN : I don’t think you have any meetings for Thursday, Mr Galloway?

GEORGE : I’M GETTING JUST A BIT SICK OF YOUR ANSWERING BACK, GO HOME AND
DON’T BOTHER COMING IN TOMMOROW, YOU’RE FIRED!

END.